Don't Shake Your Baby...REALLY????

Ever seen one of those billboards imploring you not to shake your baby? Maybe I’m being overly logical or giving the human race too much credit but do we really need to be told not to shake a baby?
Of course I realize that there are a select few, deranged, insensitive, ignorant, child abusers out there that are guilty of this very act however, I do not believe for one second that they thought it was okay, or that it would not harm the baby! They lost their patience and temper, plain and simple. They lost control and they took it out on a baby. I do not believe that they would have behaved any differently had they passed a billboard earlier in the day reminding them not to shake their baby.
I guess I believe that, although there are messed up people out there, posting lessons in good behavior in public places is not going to make a huge difference.
It makes about as much sense as billboards that read, "Do not hit your baby with a bat", "Do not set your baby on fire" or "Do not step on your baby". Of course you shouldn't do these things! It’s common sense!!
Since when did we become a society where we have to tell people NOT to do harmful and illegal things by posting public bulletins for them?
Future bulletins might read: "Do not rob banks", "Do not set fire to public or private buildings", "Do not deal drugs", "Do not hit a cop (no matter how much he may deserve it)", or even "Do not kill people...it’s just not nice!"
Call me old school, but I believe that the majority of the population in this world know what is acceptable behavior and what is not. It’s just that some people don’t really care what is right or wrong, they just do whatever they want regardless of who it hurts.
So, instead of placing pointless warnings of common sense, perhaps billboards should show someone beating the hell out of someone that shook (or otherwise abused)a baby. Another could show an arsonist being set ablaze while another could show a murderer in front of a firing squad.
Other countries have less crime because they don’t coddle criminals and treat them like children that don’t know better! They make sure the punishment fits the crime. Perhaps we need to be a little (or a lot) more harsh with the convicted felons in our country.
I think it’s safe to say that signs like "Don’t Shake Your Baby" just aren’t cuttin’ it!!

Mercury and Other Playthings of the 60's

I was recently struck with the flu and am just now recovering. I was surfing the net and researching chronic medical problems I've dealt with for most of my life and I came across something really mind blowing!
Perhaps playing with the mercury from broken thermometers as a child was not the best idea ever. I remember my mom breaking a couple of thermometers over a mirror and letting me play with it for hours. It was a blast! It's an incredible substance, the way it separates, then sort of "rolls" back together to become one little puddle again. If you squish your finger down in the middle of the puddle, you can make it separate into hundreds of tiny beads that almost look like crystal sand, but you can push it all together again! It tasted metallic. I was warned by my mom that she could not play with it because it would immediately bind with her wedding ring and ruin it.
As I read the myriad of symptoms caused by mercury poisoning, it read like my medical file! It causes damage to the central nervous system (mine's a mess), kidneys ( I've had borderline renal failure more than a few times), liver damage (I was an inch away from the liver donor list for a while there), damage to the endocrine system (what endocrine system?), cognitive and memory disorders...I can't remember what I was talking about...oh yeah, Skin problems (got that), reproductive damage (I've had around 20 miscarriages and still-births-no, I'm not kidding), damage to intestines (I've had most of mine removed), stomach disruptions (I enjoy ulcers), and DNA alteration. Don't know if that's any relation to an Anti-nuclear antibody disease I have but it sounds possible.
I'm a product of the 60's when people were largely uninformed of the hazards related to mercury. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED playing with it! I consider it a happy (potentially lethal) childhood memory. But there may be others out there that enjoyed the same type of carefree mercury play that I did. If so, I'd advise anyone that did to consider getting themselves tested for mercury toxicity.
Whether you played with mercury like I did, or not, we all survived somehow, as miraculous as it seems!
We also went without helmets on our bikes, shoes on our feet, seat belts and car seats in the car and yes, we even wore hats to school!
Considering the cautions we find it necessary to take with the youth of today, it's amazing we lived through the carefree days of our childhood!!

The Fountains Were a Superliciously Good Time!!!

It seems that many people are still not aware that The Fountains in Roseville has an ongoing FREE concert series in the center court Wednesday, Friday and Saturday evenings from 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. that is family friendly!!

Last Saturday I was there to enjoy classic rock and current hits by Superlicious. They are an energetic band that is fun for all generations. They are not just musicians, they are entertainers!

When I first arrived, I wondered why no one was dancing? After all, Superlicious is a dance band and I've seen them play before. It's hard NOT to dance! I began to encourage some wiggly toddlers to get out there and shake their little booties. I asked the adults why they weren't dancing and they informed me that "some lady" told them that they were not "allowed" to dance. I asked if she was Amish, when the answer was no, I of course wanted to meet this woman and have a friendly chat. My friends pointed her out to me.

I found her sitting in the back eating God knows what, and barely phased by the sizzling vocals being belted out by the bands lead female vocalist, Tiffany Norvella. I immediately knew this woman didn't understand live music! I introduced myself and asked her if we could chat. She dramatically threw both her hands over her ears and yelled at me that she couldn't hear me because the "noise" was too loud. I thought perhaps her hands over her ears didn't help, but what do I know? I invited her to step away from the "noise" with me so we could talk business.

It took some convincing but she eventually hauled her ass out of her chair and had a talk with me. I was as polite and professional as I could be, I swear. As I explained to her that I was a friend representing the band and the fans, she picked the remnants of whatever she had been eating out of her teeth. I explained that Superlicious is a DANCE Band and therefore people expected to dance. I asked who she was. She simply said "Liz" but refused to give a last name. She also stated that she did not have business cards or any contact information for

The Fountains. When I asked her to clarify her position and authority to tell people not to dance she simply said she booked bands but did not work for The Fountains. Huh. That's weird, right?

So of course I had to ask her why no one was "allowed" to dance. She replied that before I got there the toddlers that were dancing were at risk of knocking over major scaffolds. Huh again. I said, "so you feel that the set up here is so flimsy that a dancing 2 year old could take it out?" She quickly denied saying that. Then she said the kids were unsupervised. I had to beg to differ as I knew every mother of each tot and they were all in the front row with their children and watching them closely. Then I pointed out that I had heard she also told the adults not to dance and that they must be seated. "Why was that?", I asked. She explained that their dancing would surely knock the scaffolds down and that it was "too dark" to dance anyway. It was a dangerous situation and she didn't want to be responsible!...wow. I had myself a live one! Her implication that The Fountains set up concerts under unsafe circumstances was HUGE! I then re-stated what she had said, "So you feel that the adults that were dancing were out of control and at risk to knock over the stage set up at any time?" Again, she denied that was what she meant....but that Is, in fact, what she said.

Finally she pointed to an even darker area (by the way, the area in front of the band where people wanted to dance was lighter than any club I've ever been in!) about 100 yards away and said everyone could go over to that deserted area to dance. I was incredulous! "You don't go to many [any] clubs or concerts, do you Liz?" To which she turned and walked away as she waved me off with her hand saying "Fine! Everyone can dance at their own risk!"

FINE!

So we did! Within minutes everyone was on their feet and having the time of their lives.

I'm still researching this and trying to find out just exactly who "Liz" is. So far, it's my belief that she's an evil Amish hater out to ruin the lives of those who know how to have a good time!

But good always prevails and everyone, children to senior citizens, had a great time!!!

The pictures speak for themselves!

A New Attraction at the State Fair!

It's Called "Gangland"!

What could be a more wholesome pastime than taking your kids to the fair? After all, what is more American than that?

I know how I would have answered those questions a month ago. My opinion on the subject has changed considerably however, since I took my 15 year old daughter and her best friend to the California State Fair.

It was 104* that day and we pretty much melted. We went on Friday (opening day) and there was hardly anyone there...until 10:30 p.m. or so, that's when everything changed! I've never seen anything like it! There we were just going on one ride after the next with our unlimited ride wrist bands when we realized that the whole crowd had totally changed. No more families or cute couples! It was all gangs!! I don't have a prejudice bone in my body. It wasn't the color of everyone's skin that bothered me, it was the way they were dressed, their attitude and their language. At 11:00 we decided it was a good time to leave. We made it to the front gates while ignoring the many vulgar and threatening comments thrown our way. I stopped by some cops there to fish my keys out of my purse before we headed into the parking lot. Guess what? They weren't in my purse anymore. As I was searching I heard comments behind me like, "She be one fiiiine piece a ass!" and "That there be one hot, sexy mama!" and Maya's personal favorite as I desperately searched for my keys, "She be lookin' fo her crack pipe!" Wow! Good times. So, without keys we had no way to get home and no way to get in when we got there! Soooo, we headed to the lost in found...no keys. Hmmm, they be lost somewheres in da state fair! Bummer. I probably should've left the girls in the lost & found office but I didn't think of it at the time so we three headed out into the concrete jungle to find my "keys in a hay stack!"
We passed several (and I mean TONS) of groups of cops and asked each group if anyone had turned keys in to them. The answers were all the same; "No, and you girls shouldn't be here now. It's not safe!" DUH!! Then one of the cops pointed out how all of the groups of kids (ranging from 11 and 12 all the way up to late 20's) were wearing solid colored, matching t-shirts. Sure enough, there were groups in white, blue, red...whatever. The officer pointed out that they were all gangs and it didn't matter what color that particular gang wore, none of them were "nice guys" and we should get outa there. Great advice! I pointed out that I'd like nothing better but that, without my keys that was quite impossible.
That officer then pointed out that the area that we were walking into was the most dangerous. It was the Midway area and apparently the center of hoodlum hang out! He escorted us part way in when he announced he had to go back? Guess he got nervous. The thing was, the girls and I figured that we knew the most likely place where I would've lost my keys so we had to head back to that ride...regardless of where it was! We trudged deeper into the gang ghetto area of the fair until we reached the ride. The attendant was sitting outside the ride with, (TA-DA!), my keys hanging on a bucket next to him!!! Yay! I can't tell you how relieved we all were. We were then faced with the task of making our way back out of the "Riot Waiting to Happen" haven, and get out to our car in one piece. No small task.
The comments made to me earlier were nothing compared to the comments and vulgar suggestions that were being tossed at us from all directions as we attempted to inconspicuously slip out of there! Gangs of opposite colors were all around us and when they weren't yelling racial slurs back and forth to each other (which I find to be funny since they were ALL black, yet throwing the "N" word around like they could insult other African Americans with it, yet it wasn't an insult to themselves?) and trying to start fights, they'd focus on us and what "fine pieces of white ass" we were. Trust me, I'm sparing you the vulgar comments! I really would have been fine and not nervous at all if it was just me, but having my 2 pretty, teenage girls with me and the focus of so much gang attention and hostility was turning my stomach. Cops were everywhere but I guess they wait for someone to throw the first punch or wave the first knife before they do anything.
Well, we made it to the gate, with my keys in hand and I asked one of the 20 or so law enforcement officials standing there how well the parking lot was patrolled and if I'd be safe taking my 2 pretty girls out there. They said they had between 75-90 cops in the parking lot alone!!! Wow! If you wanted to commit a crime anywhere in Sac between 11:00 p.m. and midnight on any night of the Sate Fair, I'd say there wouldn't be a cop available to stop you!
So we practically ran to the car. I unlocked it with the fob on my key chain when we were within a few feet of safety and the girls practically dove into the car, slamming their doors! when I got in they were yelling, "Lock the doors! Lock the doors!!!"
As we drove out of the lot we saw several areas where squad cars had corralled groups of kids...okay, "gangs" and were either questioning them or arresting them.
Moral of the story...the state fair is just not a "family friendly" activity or place to be after 10:00 at night!

At least, not in MY opinion!

I am so insanely excited...but then "insane" by my standards isn't really much of a reach.

My second daughter, "Sylvia", is expecting her first baby (and my second grandchild) in just a couple of weeks!! It is so amazing to have watched two of my daughters go through pregnancy and all of the glorious, uncomfortable hormonal and body changes that come with it. The funniest part though is probably how little Sylvia appears to have changed physically! I say appears because no matter how well you carry a baby or how small that baby bump appears to others, the fact remains that you still have a human being (hopefully) inside of you tap dancing on your bladder, shoving his or her foot into your esophagus and occasionally throwing you a kidney punch! Although I know Sylvia feels "huge", the fact is, at nine months she looks better than most woman ever do! She is almost 6 feet tall and has a very slender, athletic and well defined build. I personally think the baby is standing up since she can still pass as a non-pregnant woman if she wants to! She was here to visit from out of state recently so I had a baby shower for her. Afterwords, she started showing off her physique by posing in a variety of ways that really showed off her tummy and her six pack at the same time (which is weird, I'm not gonna lie!) to the protests of her husband telling her to, "Stop! You're squishing our baby!" We struck a deal that I would take pictures so she'd never feel compelled to "squish the baby" again. We got lots of great shots but my suspicion is she still does them at home in front of the mirror...after all, she IS a fitness model and would hate to lose her edge, besides, I know my girl.

Just Call Me "Granny"!

As many of you already know, I became a grandma on May 13th! What you may NOT know is that I did so naturally, without any medication of any kind!
This would not have been possible 10 years ago. Back then I medicated myself just to floss my teeth! So, to me, watching my daughter give birth to my grandson without drugging myself halfway into a coma was quite a feat!
I didn’t scream once and I watched the whole thing! I even took pictures. It was an amazing and emotional event! I was so proud of MiMi! She did a great job and her son, Elijah James, is a miracle in every sense of the word! Little Eli was born 5 weeks prematurely yet still weighed in at 6 pounds! He was breathing on his own and is one healthy little fighter that was just meant to be.
The pregnancy was fraught with problems from Pre-Eclampsia (or Toxemia) to Gestational Diabetes. MiMi had quite a time but she’ll be the first to tell you it was worth it!
She and Eli stayed with me for about a week and just went home last weekend. We miss them both already. While they were here I got to experience all of the joys of being a grandmother! I was able to hold, cuddle and love on him…except when I had something else I had to do. Then I handed him back to his Mama…just like the “grandma book” says I should. I slept through the night even though he did not. But he is breast fed…what could I do? My nipples aren’t even sore…at least, not from him. My Hoo-Ha isn’t sore either…again, not from him. I have my figure back already too!
I know, I know…I’m one amazing Granny! If you aren’t a grandparent yet, I’ll bet you wish you were now!

Laughing All the Way to the Hospital: The Many Uses of a Stapler

As the title implies, I have had more than my share of occasions to laugh my ass off all the way to the nearest medical facility. We are on the VIP list to every hospital and "Doc in the Box" in Northern California...and a few in Oregon (we go there to visit my parents and my children feel that a vacation is not complete without blood, stitches and/or a broken bone).

Being on the VIP list to these homes away from home has many benefits. First of all, we can walk right past all of the crowds waiting like injured cattle behind the velvet ropes. We are always greeted by name by people who are very grateful that I am putting their children through college. The most important perk however, is that when management learns that we're there, they rush out to greet us and give me a handful of horse tranquilizers. I've often wondered if the medication is for my injured child or me but they are too young for drugs so I don't ask...and I don't share.

In my next few posts I thought I would share some of my children's bizarre mishaps and traumas in the hopes that someone out there will identify and say, "Yes Cristie, I understand, my child did the very same thing!"

Here's the first of many...

For most parents, hearing from your child's school in the middle of the day strikes fear into their very soul. When I get such a call, I brace myself for some ridiculous situation or needless injury that my child has enjoyed in the few hours since I patted them on the head and sent them off for their quality, public education. When Sylvia was in the 3rd grade I received one such call. She was only my second child but the office staff and teachers were already very aware of my children's propensity to injure themselves in the most unlikely ways. I believe it was my children that prompted one school to raise their umbrella insurance policy, just as our next door neighbors had done.

Anyway, when I answered the phone, I couldn't help but note that the "office lady" seemed to be speaking in a somewhat halted, choking fashion. I realized quickly, as she explained my daughter's situation, that she was trying not to laugh. She informed me that Sylvia had embedded a stapler into her bottom lip. When the teacher was unable to dislodge it due to the fact that the staple was firmly planted in her lip but still stuck in the stapler, she sent her to the office holding the stapler to keep it from ripping a hole in her lip. When no one in the office had any better luck they called...the janitor. This may seem odd unless you understand that years before, "Joe the Janitor" had been a fireman. This makes perfect sense because as we all know, firemen are very proficient at unjamming staplers.

Apparently this was a skill that Joe had mastered years ago while fighting fires and he did successfully open the stapler and remove the staple, leaving Sylvia with 2 vampire marks on the inside of her now very swollen lip. I am a little miffed that they didn't take pictures before they used the jaws of life on that stapler, but life is full of disappointments I guess.

As the office lady attempted to explain the chain of events that had occurred I burst out laughing. I guess she just needed the green light from me because at that point she nearly exploded into fits of laughter and asked if I'd like to speak with Sylvia. Oh HELL YES I wanted to speak with her! This was priceless! Sylvia was handed the phone and said, "Huhwoh mom." I tried hard to control my own laughter when I asked the only logical question I could think of, "Sylvia, how did you manage to get a stapler stuck in your lip?" She gave me a very logical answer, "It wathn't working tho I twied it on my lip." Well, hearing her explanation through a very swollen lip was almost more than I could take. I practically dropped the phone laughing and I'm pretty sure I wet my pants.

For years to come, every time I was at the school, the office staff and "Joe the Hero" took great pains to remind me of the incident and laugh at me. Hey! I'm not the one who stapled my own lip! Go make fun of Sylvia all you want!

Congratulations (?) It's A Girl!

What a proud moment it is for a parent when the doctor tells you, "Congratulations! You have a beautiful baby girl!" What he should say is, "I am so terribly sorry to be the one to have to inform you that you have just given birth to what will one day be the most overwhelming stress in your life!" He should then send you a sympathy card and a large bottle of Valium!
Don't misunderstand. A beautiful daughter is indeed a blessing...for all the men that want to date her! One day she's skipping off to the bus stop with her pig tails and back pack, the next day some hairy chested MAN with a deep voice is picking her up in his pick up truck to go "hang out". Ha! Fat chance! This guy hasn't met this mother yet!
I have been "blessed" with 4 truly beautiful girls, each with her own dazzling wit and charming personality. Three are out of the house. Only one of those three is married. I still worry about the other two since they aren't under my protective wing anymore. The youngest is still at home and 15. God help me now that she is getting into "dating". I have learned many things as a parent and it seems unfair not to pass on some of my hard earned wisdom to other worried moms and dads. If I can save even one person any heartache in this business of raising daughters I will feel my trials have not been in vain!
I have always made it a point to meet any young man hoping to spend any time with one of my girls. By "meet" I mean; introduce myself, take his picture, finger print him, copy his I.D. and interview him for at least 30 minutes. No, I am not kidding. I do all of this sort of tongue in cheek, but since I figure his tongue will soon enough be in her cheek...or so he is hoping, I hold nothing back! When the young Romeo in question begins to get nervous and ask why I am asking to copy his I.D. and take his photo I explain that I expect to see my daughter home that evening by the specified time (not a second later) and in the same condition she left. I expect her to have a good time and be treated like the princess that she is. If this does not happen, I now know where to find him, and so will the police.
Sometime during the interview process I will ask the young man if a total stranger has ever offered him the keys to his brand new Ferrari? Inevitably he will say no. I point out to him that he is a complete stranger to me and he is borrowing something much more precious to me than a mere physical possession. I would sooner give him the keys to my house than have him take my daughter out, but since she seems to like him, I will have to trust her good judgement and his fear of a mother's wrath. I wish them well and I sincerely hope that they have a lovely evening together.
I usually follow them out to the car and make sure that he opens her car door for her. If he forgets his manners, possibly due to the case of nerves my previous interrogation brought on, I gently remind him that a young lady should never have to open her own door and at this point that young man will fairly leap over the hood of the car to assist my little lady!
In well over a decade of pre-date interviews and countless suitors, never once has a young man failed to deliver my daughter home on time, no worse for the wear. I'm sure much of the credit goes to my daughters for being bright, intelligent girls. I also think part of the reason is my little introduction ritual which lets the young suitors know what is expected of them and what the consequences will be if they step out of line.
I have tweaked my tactic slightly for daughter number 4. Since she is a greater...'challenge' than the others, I have had to modify my approach to prepare her for dating life. I have taught her that it is illegal for anyone under the age of 32 to have sexual relations without a "sex license". (See Lie #3 of blog "It's Fun to Lie to Your Kids" 1/16/09) Heaven forbid she would break the law!
You may say I have a warped approach to parenting...but I sleep easier at night!

How Often Are YOUR kids in the Hospital???

Is My Life Normal?...At All????

When it comes to the question of what is "the norm" in any given family for hospital stays, doctor's visits, broken bones, rare diseases, mystery illnesses and near death experiences, I don't think I have a good grip on it!

If you read my Bio Page, you will see that I've had my share of all of the above, personally and in my family. I'm afraid though, that the brief discription found there does not begin to cover it all, nor did it all end when I stopped writing that portion of my Bio.

I thought a brief update would be fun for everyone. Although this may read like fiction, all I can say is fiction is not this entertaining!

Let's start with my oldest Daughter Mi Mi. She has had MRSA, a serious Staff infection a.k.a. Flesh Eating Bacteria 3 times, yes THREE times in the last year. The most recent one being just a month or so ago when she was 5 months pregnant! She was of course hospitalized with a pik line which is an I.V. that feeds a very strong antibiotic directly into the heart. She also developed pneumonia due to her lowered immunity. Who ever gets this kind of crap once, let alone 3 times, in their whole life? But three times in a year?!! Insanity! She will be on strong medications for quite a while but she is out of the hospital and doing well, and so is her baby, so I can make jokes about it all now.

While I enjoyed time spent with her in the hospital blowing up countless rubber gloves, writing dirty jokes for the nurses on her whiteboard and smuggling in the necessary decadant frozen yogurt sundae to aid in her recovery, I also had another sick child at home.

Maya, my youngest child at almost 15, picked up Mononucleosis from her best friend! While her resistance was down she also enjoyed a bout of bronchitis. Three weeks later now, she is having a relapse! Yay! More medical experience for me! She is a definite over achiever so the toughest thing about her being sick is having to tackle her when she tries to sneak off to school. She's been so sick and weak lately that I can just blow on her and she'll fall over so it's easier to make her rest. Due to some chronic health conditions she enjoys, the school has a "504 Contract" on her. It's an immensely valuable program for kids that have some special needs due to physical or emotional conditions that may effect their work or attendance.

One of her health conditions is chronic clumsiness. She has broken 7 bones in the last 4 years alone! Nope, no osteoporosis. Just a clutz. She fell off of a step ladder in my closet trying to steal my clothes and broke her arm. She fell off of her platform shoes at school and broke her ankle. she fell off a skateboard and broke her arm...TWO separate times! Her 4 year old cousin took a flying leap at her and tackled her at the knees, from the side and "broke" her knee and she broke her arm (again) diving (for fun) across benches in the locker room at school and "flew just like Superman" she tells me, until she crashed into the lockers on the other side. She also enjoyed the benefit of a concussion on that one! As you can tell, she's an immense source of joy and entertainment for me. I owe a large part of my "in home medical degree" to her!

In the mean time, my 22 year old son Carson has been doing missionary work in the jungle in Guadalajara. As we all know, it's a wonderful place to experience exotic foods and tropical parasites! Yes, he's enjoyed TWO lovely stays in the sanitarily challenged hospitals in Mexico.

Oh yes, there's more. There's always more around here, but I'm sure you get the point. Here's the good part. I'm only partially kidding when I say I have an In Home Medical Degree (or I.H.M.D. if you prefer). I have dealt with so much illness myself and with my kids that it's been quite the education. The trick is, ask lots of questions. Never take a doctors word as gospel. Get second opinions. Do your own research. In this era of Internet information, virtually anything you need to know is at your fingertips! Only take medicine when it is absolutely necessary. Never stay in a hospital any longer than you absolutely have to...especially in Mexico.

Also, be your children's best advocate. Don't let the schools dictate your child's health care. Immunize only if you have researched it and you feel it's best for your child. No, you do NOT have to immunize your child. That is a fallacy! If your child is ill, especially for a prolonged period of time, make sure they have the same benefits of a public education that any other child has. If your child is chronically ill in ANY way and you live in the state of California, look into a 504 Plan. Other states have similar plans. Do your homework! It's worth it...and so are your children.

But when all is said and done, the best advice I have is to keep smiling and laugh whenever you can! It's so much better than moping around with a long face, feeling sorry for yourself and that doesn't help the situation anyway! Besides, when you laugh in the face of adversity, it makes people think you've lost your mind and that's hysterical!

It's Fun to Lie to Your Kids!

Before you pass judgement on me, hear me out! My married, 26 year old Daughter recently told me that she couldn't wait to have kids so she could lie to them. It was one of my proudest moments!! Here's why...

I've always been very honest with my children about the important things. But when it comes to aliens, their heritage or sex...a little lieing can be benificial and a total kick in the pants!

Here are just a few examples of fun lies I've told my kids:

Lie #1) There are small green people on the moon.

Yes honey, (to my then, 6th grade daughter) it's true! I just saw it on the news.

I managed to convince her, so (obviously), she had no real choice but to share this bit

of ground breaking information with her entire 6th grade class during current events.

Apparently she was quite determined and convincing. The teacher questioned

her at length, but she stood her ground! That's my girl!! I recieved a call from her

(very confused) teacher that evening. She asked where I had obtained my information

but I could barely stop laughing long enough to tell her it was a joke. God bless kids

and their trust in their parents! Two nights later, the teacher called again to explain

that she'd recieved calls from parents of her students inquiring about the reliabilty

of this "current event". After that, no matter how much the teacher (and my

daughter) told the class it was simply a joke, they remained unconvinced, certain

that adults wanted to withhold the truth from them yet again! I'm sure they are

still walking around, as young adults today, convinced there are little green people

on the moon! Yay for me!

Lie #2) Yes Sweetie, You ARE One Eighth African American!

When yet another daughter was in 6th grade I told her she was an Eighth African

American.

Why, you might ask, would I tell my little white skinned, red headed, freckle faced

daughter such a thing? Because I could. I convinced her that my father had been

half black and my grandfather had been full blooded African American. I told her

those were not freckles on her face but dark pigmentations from her heritage.

She began to refer to blacks as "her people"! You can't imagine how funny this is unless

you've seen my daughter! So, there's this huge block party. I had to leave early.

My daughter stayed and apparently regailed all of our neighbors and friends with

stories of "her people". They were quite perplexed but she argued to defend "her

people" and "her heritage". Well, of course, I recieved a call from a curious neighbor

a day or two later. Once again, I laughed so hard I cried. I told her I was just messing

with my daughter's mind, as I feel all parents should do. Although I set the story

straight with her as well as my (irritated) daughter, I am sure there are still people out

there that are amazed at how white she looks for a (partially) black child!

Lie #3 You Must Have a Sex License!

I saved this for last because it is my personal favorite! When one of my girls (thank

goodness I have so many kids to mess with!) was about 10 or 11, I explained to her

(very matter-of-factly) that no one could have sex without a license before they were 32

years old. What a way to keep your daughter innocent for a very long time! If she asked

a question, I was prepared with an answer. "Yes, when people under 32 get married,

their marraige license IS their Sex Lisence". "Yes, some girls get pregnant as teenagers,

but they are fined heavily by the state." "Yes, there are holes in the law. It's not fair

that sometimes boys under 32 have sex and don't get caught but they are still breaking

the law!!"

You should hear her argue and defend this law, even today, at 14, with her friends! Wow!

Good times! I'm usually right there to back her up! After all, it's NOT a very well known

law. All of my older kids (she's the youngest) are waiting for the ball to drop when she

finds out it was all a story...but for the mean time, her innocense is protected! ; )

You may think I'm crazy but I feel no harm is done. I've raised all of my kids this way. When all is said and done, they laugh at my stories and their gulibility and it doesn't hurt anyone...but it's an endless source of entertainment for me!!!

Remember, No one said Parenting shouldn't be FUN!!!